i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
