they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
