I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
