I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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