he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
