Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
