Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
