PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
