I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
