Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
