halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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