I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
