The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
