My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he puts the penis in happiness.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
