guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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