She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
