DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
