i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
