Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
