so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
