I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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