The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
