Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
