Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
