Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
