You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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