Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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