Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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