so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
