Just cropdusted the office
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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