Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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