I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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