My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.