I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins