I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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