you suck at this game today
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back