She went from zero to smokin in five shots
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.