Do you still have your period?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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