david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
