ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We left the knife in your bed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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