I have demons in me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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