I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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