got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
