Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
love makes seman taste better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
