So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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