she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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