New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
