so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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