I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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