I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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