Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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