my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
