Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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