yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
