dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
