Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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