proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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