Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
