I wanna bring you to show and tell
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
