apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
