I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
