can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
