Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
