Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
