Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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