It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
