we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
