Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I love having hate sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
