boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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