tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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