She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
