if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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