Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
