Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
