at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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