Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
