Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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