Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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