I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
