You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
