I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
