Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
